Thursday, June 2, 2011

Vasectomy Holiday - Slightly TMI

Vasectomy Holiday (It should be a reggae song)

I'm starting this post today, Thursday @ 2:36 Pm. I had my vasectomy performed at 1PM on Tuesday this week & this is a bit of a dump of how it went down.

MB's parents dropped me off at the specialists rooms a little early as I planned on having to fill out some forms and the like, after the surgeon had seen his first appointments I was up. We had a brief chat in his office, my GPs referral outlined that we had baby #7 on the way it was pretty obvious that my mind was made up. He explained that a small number of patients cannot be done under local on the day for a number of reasons (he didn't elaborate but I assumed this would be due to anatomical issues, couldn't locate the Vas etc etc) He discussed the procedure to me, there are several, he uses steel clips to clamp the Vas and stitches you up afterwards, some do it with a stitches on the Vas and no external sutures). His method meant I could shower the same day which made me glad. He also explained the risks of infection, and that this could sometime be in the form of inflammation and swelling 6 weeks later. He also explained that sometimes additional bleeding inside the scrotum could result in a hard lump that would dissolve over time. I signed my consent as he elaborated on the time it could potentially take before I could be considered infertile. It was then time to move to the procedure room.

We headed down the corridor, I thought I would have butterflies and feel a bit anxious but I was pretty collected (despite it being on my mind steady for the two weeks leading up to it. I removed my jeans and trunks and hopped up on the table/bed and laid back as he examined me. Lying on my back with him standing to my right he quickly located the right side Vas and then the left. This was slightly unnerving as it involved quite a bit of paddling round in my scrotum. He then explained that he had no issues locating each vas and confirmed he would be able to complete the procedure then and there. He then shaved me, (which was also a unique feeling), washed me with antiseptic (freakin cold it was) then gloved up and got ready to begin. He showed me the tiny steel clips he would be using and assured me no patients had ever reported setting off a metal detector. I looked out the window at the clear blue sky as he once again located the right vas, this was quite awkward, it didn't hurt just really made me squirm, once he had it located he injected the local anaesthetic which aside from an ever so slight pinch was hardly noticeable at all. He started to make the incision, which judging on the need from what I could tell was on the right side bout midway from front to back. I felt a twinge of the scalpel so he stopped then injected more locate and proceeded. I talked constantly through the first side, more so to take my mind of what I knew was going on. In this regard it was probably a bad move to watch the video on you tube as I could mentally picture everything he was doing. I yacked about MB, the children, Mr C's nevus, moving building straw bales and before I knew it I saw his hand go up as he completed a stitch. "All done" he said with a smile, "time for the left".

He went to locate the left vas which he did from the front as he remained standing on my right, this was extremely unsettling, I jumped and immediately broke out into a sweat as he located and vas. I was relieved to feel the needle go in as it knew I'd soon feel less uncomfortable, it really is a strange feeling having someone did around in your balls. He made quick work of the left side as I chatted more and more and before I knew it there was the familiar site of him completing a stitch and I knew I was home free.

I sat up, dripping with perspiration (from the heat of the room more so than anything else) I looked at my balls, which after 32 years of good service looked foreign too me, shaved & discolored from the antiseptic wash. I asked where the stitches were so the doc showed me a stitch on the right side of my scrotum and one on the front side. I went to wing my leg over the the side of the table and felt something touch my leg which came as a shock until I realised it was my scrotum, which was till numb.

The doc explained that I could shower and wash off the antiseptic that day and that within a few hours i'd feel pretty sore and more so the next day or two. he instructed me to to get home, take some panadene and have a glass of whisky. My only question was naturally "Is Red Wine OK"?

I made an appointment for the next week to have the stitches out and do a check up and walked out the door. I immediately texted MB to tell her all was done but I was a bit shakey. I then called her to elaborate on how I felt, told her all was well and then called her Mum & Dad to come and pick me up. I had planned for to spend a few days at my in-laws after the procedure so we headed home via a chemist for some panadene.

That night I wasn't really as sore as I expected to me, more slow on my feet and hesitant to move quickly, sitting was a little uncomfortable but all in all I was feeling pretty good. MB's mother cooked me a delicious lamb roast which we washed down with a nice bottle of red before MB/s father and I retreated to their upstairs big screen TV to watch tron. I didn't feel like sleeping or lying down and after some Facebook messaging with Jo decided to break out the paracord and attempt a two tone bracelet. this killed an hour (as it didn't work the first time and I had to unravel it and start again. and by about midnight I was ready to lie down. Unfortunately I had trouble getting comfy in bed and opted for several pillows between my knees, setup my laptop chatted to MB on MSN (which was sooooo good) then put on an American hot rod playlist and watched several episode before finally falling asleep some time after 3am.

I woke at 7:30 and went to the toilet and had a fair amount of discomfort walking so I decided to hop back in bed and watch some more movies and TV eps of American Hotrod on my laptop. I chatted to MB with video chat at about 11am then again at 3pm, at this point I thought it best I get up, shower and have breaky, which was really a late lunch. I cooked a chicken fillet for a roll and watched some TV for about an hour before getting back in bed around 4:30PM. I then watched more TV on my laptop and when I heard MB's parents arrive from work headed down to say hello. MB's mother cooked another great feed of veggies and a t-bone for me with hot jam roll and ice cream for dessert, I was feeling truly spoilt.

After dinner I watched "The Departed" on the big screen before hitting the hay around midnight, I fell asleep almost instantly but woke at 3am feeling pretty wired so I watched more American Hot Rod til about 5am before sleeping til 9:30.

Today I wanted to get some work done so I connected and caught up on all my meetings, emails and documents for review. I love technology, I have my phone setup as a 3G wireless access pouint and am connected on my laptop from bed. which brings us to about now.

It hasn't been anywhere near as painful as I expected, There is considerable discomfort but pain wise it is very tolerable. My balls went from tomato to beetroot over a few hours but now look semi-normal (albeit shaved). I'll probably submit this then have a shower I think. While the quietness here (read silence) is very relaxing and who would complained about the spoiling i'm getting I am very much missing MB and the children with the exception of a family holiday in the first year or two of going out we haven't spent this much time apart in 17 years and I'm really missing her. Tech is great though with IM and video chat making it bearable. I know its been a stretch for her with all the children solo whilst still feeling ill 24/7. A friend of ours was kind enough to take Miss L overnight and then miss P for an afternoon with her girls which i'm sure made things a little easier at home as those two generate the most noise, mess & washing I was due to go to work for an important meeting tomorrow arvo but don't really feel like making the drive or the train ride or sitting in an office chair all day so My boss has setup a conference for me to dial in. I'm hoping to grab a bite with a mate of mine tonight because MB's parents will be out at a wake. This will also allow me to get them a new DVD player as theirs has issues and doesn't play divx.

Until next time.....


  1. oooh thanks for sharing! I think it's fascinating rather than tmi and I LOLed at the video, cos I would have done the same thing..heh.
    I wish I could be of more practical help to MB and I kind of kicked myself the other night when it occurred to me that I could have driven up and stayed with her while you were away if I had have thought of it sooner... Because 6 kids isn't enough of course, we need to increase the intensity to 9! But still, adult company and help etc... Ah well. I can do that when you go get it reversed eh? LMAO

  2. Reversed???

    There is no incentive on this earth that would make me reverse it.

  3. I kid, I kid!!
    Wouldn't wish it on anyone!

    Ooohh hey, while I'm here... Did you seriously want a scarf? Cos I could possibly bang one out before we see youse next (sooo close, squee!) :)

  4. I wont say know to a scarf that'd be awesome

  5. awesomeness.

    colour? design? length? inspire me! :D