Saturday, November 6, 2010

Eight Legged Freaks

I'm a man. A 6'7, big, ugly, hairy, mean (when I want to be) man. I have super powers, one such power is the power of transformation.

I have the ability to transform from a surly dude into a squealing little child at the site of a huntsman spider.

I don't have issue with red backs or white tails or even the common house spider (which looks mean as hell) and especially not daddy longs legs'. But you throw a huntsman into the mix and I'm scared, there I said it SCARED.

Unfortunately in my house everyone is scared of all spiders & bugs so along with disposing of all manner of creepy crawly I'm also charged with dispensing of the big, fast moving brown curses know as..........................................the huntsman spider.

Huntsman Facts:
  • Huntsman's have a life span of approximately 90 years
  • Huntsman's can jump at least 3 meters
  • The venom of the Huntsman spider is powerful enough to knock out a horse. It will not kill the horse, simply tranquilise it for long enough for the huntsman to devour it whole.
  • A Huntsman Spider can devour a horse whole
  • Contrary to popular believe huntsman spiders are actually trained in scare tactics.
  • Huntsman spiders prefer to feed on the eldest born child of any family
  • Huntsman's can be found all over Australia but prefer to reside in OUR FREAKIN HOUSE
  • The ground up remains of a dead huntsman spider can be used as a hallucinogen
  • Huntsman spiders enjoy walking across your face while you sleep
  • Huntsman spiders are faster in the water than they are on land

Here are 2 of some of the suckers encountered in our current house. This first one was above the Toilet, T noticed it while B was sitting there. Can you say freak out?


This one crawled up the wall while Mamma Bare and I were watching a movie, I had to tear the lounge apart to get at it. Note the toys and array of DVD's discovered under the couch



And as if 8 legs wasn't enough what the freakin hell is this thing????


Until next time...........

3 comments:

  1. "Huntsman spiders enjoy walking across your face while you sleep"

    yeah thanks for that...

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  2. Thanks to you I am remembering all sorts of spidey memories I was trying to forget LOL.

    I remember once when I was little we were sitting at the table eating tea and a huntsman was on the ceiling, it walked over and stopped directly above me, my parents insisted that it wouldn't/couldn't just drop straight down on my head - so would I just eat my tea already!

    It didn't drop, but one of the eeriest things I have ever seen was a huntsman dropping down from the ceiling not long after we moved here. My parents lied to me!!!!!! Fuckers. (I put a bucket over the top over it till the Jman came home from work a few hours later to rescue me from its scariness hehe)

    Ever seen the movie Arachnophobia? Now there's a real horror movie, I think I saw it when it first came out on video and I still remember parts of it clearly, icky icky.

    ReplyDelete